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I stumbled across the letters that I wrote for my folks when I was younger. I didn't expect myself to write tht, but I guess those are heartfelt words.

& now, it's not tht I'm not happy or whatsoever. I'm not emo or goth or what's not. It's just that, life's little misc stuff that gets you stuck there. & maybe that's one reason why I'd rather much be a guy, at least I wouldn't be bothered about little things, which in fact, does torment your mental health despite the fact that it is actually, as minute as a single cell bacteria. & for the fact that they can live life without thinking much, which to some are simply termed klutzhead, is indeed ignorance bliss. Or would I rather say, they don't see the things girls do.

Also, the fact that this year, it's the 16th year. For years, you've been wandering on in life, having plain fun, and this year, you're slapped hard on your face with trials and tribulations. Sweet 16, ain't it sweet? With all the whole 'time's running out, Os are coming my dear, study!' bullshiz, and also the spiritual leap, how sweet can 16 get? Certainly, it does have it's own sweet part, the friends, the fun, and the way you get to handle things.

& it's not tht studying is not in my league, I just can't tame myself down to study. & I'm not blaming anyone but my very ownself.

Spiritually, this year, it has to increase. For all the pressure that is coming our way, we do need the spiritual support. & being 16 means getting confirmation. Well yes, confirmation. It isn't a struggle for me to decide whether I wanna get confirmed, but the struggle is, whether am I able to keep the faith going. Whether I have the discipline to move my arse to do my devotions and read the bible, everyday, which is the most basic fundamental any Christian should have. Whether do I have the discipline to go to church despite feeling really tired. I don't wanna be someone who just gets confirmed for the sake of doing it, and having no difference in my relationship with God thereafter. I want to be drawn closer to Him, and I very much do think life would be so much easier, and better, and greater, and positive. Whatsoever that happens, alas, I do have a pillar strength for me.

So, I'm asking myself, is this faith that I acquire today gonna be stronger than usual? I want it to, badly. & I need it to sustain on.

"Will living free be a chore one day?"

Labels: Corrinne May - Free.